Finding Power in My Panic Attacks

Trouble started in the form of rivulets of sweat dampening the waistband of my underwear. It was a bluebird afternoon in Phoenix in December of 2020, mid 60s, desert dry, and my heart was jackhammering against my ribcage. Breathing felt like I was sucking air through a stir straw. A small ABC News crew was arrayed before me, ready to broadcast the report I’d written that day, but with my vision narrowed to a needle’s eye, I could barely see them. I tried to swallow away the sandiness in my mouth but realized I’d forgotten how. [time-brightcove not-tgx=”true”] “I can’t swallow! How do I swallow?” I quickly recognized my body’s reaction for what it was: not a stroke or a heart attack, but a panic attack. I knew this with certainty because I’d endured hundreds of moments like this in the past two decades. There was nothing specific that brought on this particular panic—and that’s what is often so terrorizing about them. But the news waits for no panic attack. We were about to go live on World News Tonight, and the director counted me down for the live portion of my report. What first came out of my mouth was I imagine to be the sound a chicken makes when it lays an egg. Still, I managed to get through the report without an event, even if it wasn’t as polished as it was when I’d rehearsed it. My colleagues appeared to be none the wiser. Which, at the time was what I was going for. P...
Source: TIME: Health - Category: Consumer Health News Authors: Tags: Uncategorized freelance Source Type: news