‘ At Least You Don ’ t Have … ’ How to Be Supportive of Someone with Chronic Illness

I was speaking with someone recently who has a series of chronic and painful conditions; some of which are noticeable and some ‘invisible’. What is particularly distressful is that people sometimes say to her, “At least you don’t have cancer.” How dismissive is that? I know they are trying to help her feel better about what she does have and perhaps even attempt to minimize the impact, but it is not compassionate or helpful. There are diagnoses such as fibromyalgia, lupus, diabetes, arthritis or neuropathy which some people have to navigate. It might mean taking naps on an as-needed basis, engaging in pain management protocols, delegating tasks, re-negotiating agreements and, in extreme cases, making major lifestyle changes such as applying for disability or hiring at-home help. A smiling face may mask severe pain that the person has learned to accommodate. This woman I referenced above still holds down a job and raises her children with her husband. In between those responsibilities, her calendar is filled with healthcare appointments. It has become her ‘new normal’ for the past 10 or so years. She wishes that people wouldn’t doubt her. When I asked her to elaborate, she explained that only a few people she knew truly grasped how limited she feels, and that ‘society’ judges people like her. I reminded her that her primary task was to do whatever she could to care for herself without taking on that added burden and that by educating t...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Chronic Pain Health-related Inspiration & Hope Personal Arthritis Chronic Illness Diabetes Fibromyalgia Lupus Lyme disease neuropathy peer support Source Type: blogs