When Is It Okay to Lie About Death?

This week, I sat, enthralled in a darkened movie theater watching a story unfold. Before the first scene, the line, “Based on an actual lie,” ran across the screen. The film is called The Farewell and is the story of the lung cancer diagnosis of the filmmaker’s grandmother. Lulu Wang is the director for whom art imitates life. Her alter ego is Billi, played by the actress and rapper Akwafina. Billi adores her Nai Nai (Chinese for grandmother), who assisted in raising her when her parents immigrated to the U.S. when she was a child. She discovers that her grandmother was diagnosed with end stage lung cancer and the family, spearheaded by her sister and reinforced by her two sons, chooses not to tell the octogenarian about her doctor’s prediction that she will likely die in three months. Chinese tradition is to withhold that information since they believe that it would hasten her passing and that people are more likely to die from the fear of death than the illness itself. The elaborate hoax included the staged wedding of Billi’s cousin to a woman he had only been dating for three months. Bolstered by the belief that “benign shadows” were on her x-rays, Nai Nai takes the lead in planning this extravaganza for her grandson with a zeal and zest that belies her age and health condition.  The concept of “family first” is evident throughout as in their culture, the needs of the individual take back seat to the needs of the collective. They all car...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Grief and Loss Health-related Bereavement grieving Source Type: blogs