I ’m OK (sort of): The Unpredictability of OCD

When people ask me how I’m doing, I say that I’m doing ok. And sometimes I really am. The problem is that when you’re someone like me, someone who lives with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), you’re basically ok until suddenly you’re not. Let me explain. OCD is unpredictable. It’s that schoolyard bully that sneaks up behind you to pull your pigtails just when you found a spot in the shade to sit and read your book peacefully. It’s the unpredictable storm, the one that you think has passed, only to be followed by scattered thunderstorms an hour later. It’s the questions of what if, and maybe, and how do I know for sure. It’s the feelings of guilt when you didn’t actually do anything wrong and the replaying of moments over and over and over again, trying to grasp onto bits of memory that will feel reassuring. I’m writing this at 1:33am on a Wednesday night. I’m tired and I’d rather be sleeping, but as I was winding down for bed, the OCD bully struck. Anxiety kicks in, my eyes get teary, I send my therapist an email reaching out for guidance. I want to wake up my mom and give her a hug but I’m an adult now and adults don’t do that. I want to squeeze a teddy bear and feel like everything is ok but teddy bears don’t help the pain like they did when I was little. So, I sit here and wait for the storm to pass. I try to remind myself that indeed the anxiety and fear and feelings of guilt will pass. In the morning, I’ll be ok. ——— I have OCD...
Source: Psych Central - Category: Psychiatry Authors: Tags: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Personal Stories Psychology Students Treatment college coping obsessions. compulsions Ocd support worry Source Type: news