Kicking Toxic Love

The last man that used the words “I love you” used them to control me.  He used them by not saying it back, ever, when I said it.  He used them by smugly making me say it when he wanted to hear it.  He used them by only ever saying them himself when I would work up the strength to try to end things.   He used them to make me feel bad when I didn’t “behave” how he wanted me to.  He used them to convince me of a false future that he had no intention of ever providing.  The words “I love you” meant absolutely nothing. They were alternately a crowbar, a hammer, a master key… in a box of tools of manipulation.  By falling for a narcissist, I learned every possible thing that love is not.  Including addiction.  What is addiction? As a recovering addict, I feel qualified to spell that out a little.  Addiction is chaos.  Addiction is bursts of extreme pleasure that explode above a constant hum of pain.  Addiction is overwhelming craving.  Addiction is feeling insane.  Addiction is the loss of self.  Addiction is desperation and confusion.  Addiction is becoming professional at being ok with shit you aren’t ok with.  Addiction is harboring shame for everything you are and aren’t.  Addiction is lowering your bar until it’s on the floor.  Addiction is accepting the complete destruction of your future for instant and temporary relief of pain of the present.  Addiction is returning over and over again to the source of your misery.  N...
Source: Psych Central - Category: Psychiatry Authors: Tags: Addictions Codependence Narcissism Personal Stories Relationships & Love Addiction Recovery Alcoholism Breakups Emotional Abuse Substance Abuse Source Type: news