If I Only Knew Then, What I Know Now

What do I know now? It’s not about me.Marilyn Raichle+Alzheimer's Reading Room As much as I write about how delightful it is to visit my mother—and it is delightful—it was different and far more complex with my father.Both Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s run in Dad’s family with Alzheimer's usually hitting around the age of 80.As Mom is sunny, Dad’s family runs darker, with anger, aggression and isolation as the common experience.But, if I knew then what I know now, my visits to my father would have been different.Dad was, by turns, totally lucid and moving in and out of dementia. He was profoundly bored, frustrated with his physical limitations and, on occasion, terrified. The constant was his relationship with Mom—married for 66 years and friends for 75.When he developed MRSA, he had to move (temporarily) to a nursing home. It was a dispiriting place — with an overworked and overburdened staff doing the best they could but a far cry from his life with Mom in Assisted Living. The anguish in his face was heart-breaking. Visiting, even though we always took Mom, was hard and departure even worse. The sense of abandonment was palpable. And I admit I mirrored his desire to get out of there as quickly as possible. Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading RoomEmail: What do I know now? It’s not about me. I wouldn’t have allowed the bleakness of the surroundings to frame my visits.I would have stayed longer, realizing that just being there with him was reassu...
Source: Alzheimer's Reading Room, The - Category: Dementia Authors: Source Type: blogs