I'm so tired of all of it!
Think about my last post. He dropped his concentrated humbling by 75%. i should have anticipated problems.Highs. Lows. Rollercoaster emotions. Outbursts. Sleeping. We've had it all these past few weeks.Today he got physical in his rage. He grabbed me. Tried to prevent me from going through a door. After he calmed down I explained that was a red line for me. I explained that he will never touch me again when he is angry. And if a single bruise appears, I will report this incident to the police.He wants me to sell the house. I won't. He wants to separate w...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - July 22, 2017 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Dropping insulin again
Last night, he told me he is now taking 10 units in the morning and 10 at night. Two weeks ago, he was taking 40 units each. That is a substantial drop....paralleling his drop in food intake.(remember he uses Humulin R U 500 which is a concentrated insulin that is 5 times the normal insulin).He has to drop the insulin in order to prevent the severe lows.Yet he is only testing morning and evening. He still refuses to prick before and after meals. Said that his glucose is running between 120 and 240. Hmmm.His crashes - he goes down to 40 or lower.I need to keep current with this type of posts so that...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - June 30, 2017 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Palliative care and loss of appetite
It's summer and life is in full swing. I'm keeping quite busy but thought it was time for an update on the diabetes front.We had an interesting visit with a palliative care nurse from our HMO. Palliative care is pre-hospice. We had gone to see the Endocrinologist and I asked a simple question: Who do I call if he goes into a coma?He does not want to go to a hospital. He does not want dialysis. He does not want a kidney transplant. So when something happens, who do I call?By having palliative care set up - I can now simply call Hospice and they will take over his care if he is in a coma. H...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - June 27, 2017 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Midnight cramps
He is losing his sense of taste.He is losing weight as he is not eating.Last night he had severe cramps in his feet and legs. He could not get out of bed. His cell phone had fallen to the floor and he could not call me. Then he had a sugar crash - due to anxiety? He said that he finally managed to get up, take some glucose tabs, walk around and started getting better. But he didn't sleep at all.So today, he is exhausted, scared, frustrated, upset and hurting. I suggested a call to his doctor and he declined. So I'm keeping busy outside with gardening (tis the season!) and trying to keep t...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - May 5, 2017 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Back home again
Life is amazing. My sis and I had an incredible trip and then jet lag for about 9 days! All recovered now and life is back on track.Hubby did ok - but he has started losing weight. Now - he is a rather large guy at about 270lbs. So he could stand to lose some. But not like this. In the 2 weeks I've been home a few new developments and I'm pretty sure they are all linked to Stage 4 ESRD.The smell of food makes him nauseous. We walked into a restaurant in a town about an hour away and he was perfectly fine, but the moment he smelled the food, he got sick to his stomach.He is only eating about ha...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - April 21, 2017 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
what would you do?
Yesterday afternoon they buried my ex-mother-in-law. My son's grandmother. I did not go to the funeral or graveside but my son (age 38) texted me about 4pm that everyone had left and he was still there. He said he just wasn't ready to leave yet. I asked if he wanted me to come sit with him. He said yes. So I sat and shared as many memories of her life as I could. Pretty soon, he started telling me things that he recalled from his childhood about her and we were both laughing.He was so incredibly close to her, loved her so much, and this devastated him. She had been in a near vegetative st...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - February 23, 2017 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
and he's back
after being gone 6 weeks. I am truly struggling this time to acclimate myself to life with him. It is not easy. OK - it has been extremely hard.I wonder if it's because we are both getting older. I wonder if it's because the marriage just isn't working. I wonder.....It's the tiniest things that drive me up the wall. He said, "did you get rid of my laundry basket?" I said, "no, it's in your closet." He said, "no, it's not here."So I put down what I'm working on, get up, walk to his bedroom, look in the closet and point to the laundry basket. He said, "that's no it." So I pic...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - January 29, 2017 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Storing medical supplies
Hubby has been gone since 12/12. I caught a cold and am recovering so not getting everything done I had hoped to get done while he is gone. He'll be back 1/21. It's been a great break (other than being sick for 2 weeks).These reprieves are a complete blessing to me. There are moments when I simply sit here in the silence of the house. I know that I have been pushing too hard and that's probably why I got sick. On the other hand...I am fully rested and ready to turn back into a caregiver when he gets home.We FaceTime. That is interesting. Because I don't see him all day long it gives ...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - January 8, 2017 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Balance
Managing wrote:This topic has nothing to do with your post I'm attaching it to. Since your experience has been so helpful in offereing some kind of "known" into our lives that follow your blog. . . I wonder if you will consider continuing your blog after your husband passes on?It sounds a little morbid and vouyeristic, but I suffer so greatly in two areas and one of them is I am sure I will never remember my husband as anyone other than who he is now; with all the anger and bad behavior. I don't want to remember him that way. So I wonder as you go through this process, if you discover that his earlier personality...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - November 15, 2016 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Lethargy
For lack of another term, I will use lethargy.I have noticed that he can no longer pick up his feet when he walks. So he trips a lot. His feet get caught in rugs and on carpet runners. Shuffling.Left the house and "forgot" to close the front door.Got out of the car and "forgot" to close the car door.Little things like that.Yesterday, I'm not sure how, but when he opened a bottle of diet coke, it exploded. Gushing out. He just stood in the middle of the kitchen. Did nothing. I yelled to get it over the sink and he said, "I'm trying to".....but he didn't move. He just remained standing...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - October 23, 2016 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
How much do you share?
"managing" wrote: Sounds like he's wanting to just check out. If you knew you only had three more months left with him would there be something you would want to have said to him or ask him to share with you that was previously not shared but you would like to? If I were these guys I would choose to die as fast as I could and not prolong the suffering in some half-way attempt at Beating this thing with surgeries or treatments that just keep your body alive but not getting better. Just not dying right away. And/or actually make your quality of life worse. Ugh! No thanks! I would choose the quickest and less strug...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - October 15, 2016 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Lab results
While many of his labs are outside the normal range, they are consistent with past labs. I. E., his A1c is 10.6....which is where it's been for ages.However, the Microalbumin, ur, detection limit (should be under 30) is over 2000The microalbumin/creatinine (should be under 30) is also over 2000.The means his kidneys are not functioning and protein is high in his urine.His doctor wants to do an ultrasound of his kidneys (to rule out a growth or blockage) and a 24hr urine test.He said he is not going to do either test.Sometimes he says that and then schedules the test anyway.So I did some research and told him what...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - September 22, 2016 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
The next phase?
A few days ago he started to cough. A dry cough. Said he felt like his chest was filling up with fluid. I told him to see his doc - he can't get in until Thursday.Today, he is struggling to breathe. He talks in short sentences and you can tell he can't get air in to speak.He refuses to go to ERHe refuses to call his doc.I have done everything I can to make him comfortable.What if his doc tell him he needs to go on dialysis - he still says he won't do that.What if they want to admit him to the hospital - he says he won't go.I think diuretics will help short term, but nothing much long term from what I can fin...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - September 12, 2016 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
Do you still love him?
I am having a great day playing artist....but when you do that, you loose control of what you are supposed to be doing. So, to "managing" - I deleted you comment and didn't get it copied. Sorry!And it was a great comment about how you used to love your non-compliant diabetic spouse and how you are coming to terms with not loving him any more. I truly understand that! And I think on some level, I went through that in the 3 years mine was gone taking care of his dad. It is so strange when the fellow you were so madly in love with becomes a "roommate" of sorts...that you don't necessarily always want ...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - September 3, 2016 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
The funny things people write to me
I find it humorous when someone writes to me and says that I can't understand this or that because I'm not diabetic.I disagree. I cannot understand your personal feelings, but I probably could pass for a ph.d on this topic. I have never experienced any of the symptoms or side effects of this disease. But having experienced a substantial amount of pain from a variety of issues in my lifetime - I do know what pain is.Anyone understands events, illnesses, issues that sap energy out of you. I'm thinking childbirth would be a really good example! LOL!!! How exhausting is it to be in labor for 24 h...
Source: Wife of a Diabetic - August 24, 2016 Category: Endocrinology Source Type: blogs
