The Barkers and The Colored Balloons

Today, while getting a root canal, I had a lot of time to think. A friend had told me to listen to music while it was going on, and so I brought my tunes along. I knew that would be risky because I am susceptible to music mush, where I hear a song and it takes me right back to a memory, kneading my heart like bread dough. But I have never been one to avoid certain emotional swamps, and so I went, because it would be better than watching bits of my tooth dust fly out of my mouth. I say I am an emotion explorer, but that is actually not always true. Sometimes I avoid like crazy, so much so that I turn to stupid destructive behaviors and make them the problem, just so that I don’t have to sit with a bad feeling. An example we can all relate to: eating junk food. And that’s just the start of it, that’s the vice I can admit to. See, people think they know me because I write right from my gut but the fact is they don’t. There is so much inside me that I don’t even know because I can’t deal with it. Lately I have not been able to write at all. One big expository kidney stone. So I decided now that the only way to relieve this is to just start typing. I have been having a very hard time since September. And while yes I do suffer from depression and also the opposite, I feel that this terrible sadness that has plagued me on and off, mostly on, since the fall is about change. Nat is in his house, Max is back at college,  and Ben is at the high schoo...
Source: Susan's Blog - Category: Autism Authors: Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs