Narcissistic Families:  Growing Up in the War Zone

When you are raised in a narcissistic family it can feel like there is no help. Parents who are narcissistic are often self-focussed. They will relate to their children as “self-adjuncts” serving to support them and their image of themselves. Do something that reflects well on them and you are suddenly the Golden Child. Make a mistake, ask for help or express your vulnerability, and you are on your own or worse, ridiculed. Children in this situation learn quickly that their needs are unwelcome. Because they are raised to ignore, undermine or suppress their natural sense of who they are, they become alienated from their authentic selves. It can take a lot of work in therapy to unravel this masking process and reveal the true self. Often this fragile and undermined true self will be associated with intense shame. Parents who are narcissistic will normally shame a child for asking for her needs to be met, because they are considered inconvenient. Having an imperfect, needy child can bring the narcissist back in contact with their own denied vulnerability, the unfolding shame causing them to become hostile and shaming towards their child. This temporarily rids them of their shame and puts it into the child, who becomes a convenient long-term container for the parent’s unconscious projections. This shaming process is intensely destructive for young children — the younger they are, the more damaging it will be. Narcissistic parents often don’t provide the soothi...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Anger Family Narcissism Relationships Self-Esteem Trauma abuse Addiction Childhood Trauma chronic shame Codependence Complex trauma Domestic Violence Emotional Abuse Narcissistic Personality Disorder Projection Unhealthy Bo Source Type: blogs