The Power of Pausing Before Speaking

No doubt, you’ve wondered why communicating with a loved one isn’t always easy.
What we may overlook is how our emotional tone can poison the atmosphere for productive conversation. Practicing pausing before we speak can be a powerful way to create a friendlier climate for heart-to-heart communication.
We’re wired with a longing for love and intimacy. Attachment Theory tells us that we don’t thrive when we’re not feeling a safe and deep connection. There is a lot at stake in our partnerships. We want to be seen, heard, and understood. We want kindness, caring, and affection.
When these core needs aren’t met, we might sense danger. We might become irritable and reactive as our fight, flight, freeze response is triggered.

As a couples therapist, I often see people getting triggered. Deep down, there is a sweet and tender longing for connection. But what often gets communicated is not sweet at all. The emotional tone that comes across is caustic, attacking, blaming, and shaming, which is kryptonite to the connection.
It is sad to see how couples push each other away without much recognition of how they’re sabotaging themselves.
It is more satisfying to blame and shame another than to take responsibility for how we’re contributing to the mess. One way we contribute to discord and disconnection is by reacting rather than responding. Reacting is what our amygdala is good at. It is the product of millions of years of evolution. Without it, we would not have ...

Source: World of Psychology - July 22, 2018 Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: John Amodeo, PhD Tags: Communication General Happiness Mental Health and Wellness Mindfulness Psychology Relationships Self-Help mindful pause Source Type: blogs