A Letter to My Body After Surgery

“I’m nervous. I’m pretty much always nervous,” I repeatedly told every doctor and nurse who asked me how I was doing before my surgery. When you’re 32 and your pre-op nurse describes you as healthy, it doesn’t dispel all the thoughts that fill your head as you stare at the drop ceiling tiles at the surgery center. “Is this real? How is this my life? What am I doing here?” Those are the kinds of thoughts that usually precede a panic attack for me. But I breathed deeply and stayed in the moment. “Soon this will be over,” I told myself, “and then you can finally eat something today.” “I’m healthy, but my body is betraying me,” those are the kinds of thoughts I bat away. My body is my temple. I take such good care of it. And yet it’s no match for high-risk HPV. I was recently diagnosed with moderate cervical dysplasia. I had a procedure to remove high-grade squamous intraepithelial lesions from my cervix using an electrosurgical loop (LEEP). I’ve worked so hard to recover from a life filled with abuse. It’s a long journey from shedding the denial, entering therapy, learning to tap into resilience, and build self-esteem, then getting in touch with the body I had often dissociated from. As soon as I struck a balance, dysplasia threw it off once more. When I woke up from surgery, not nauseous, not in a great deal of pain, and immediately ready to scarf two packs of Lorna Doone shortbread cookies, I was more than grateful to my body. The next d...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Health-related Personal Sports Stress Trauma anxiety Cervical Cancer Cervical intraepithelial neoplasia Child Abuse child molestion Exercise healing Healthy Eating HPV Human papillomavirus Immune System moderate cervical dy Source Type: blogs