I see you –– but don’t ask me how I’m doing

On the worst day of my life, I noticed how many times an hour Americans ask some version of “how’s it going?” without actually wanting to know the answer. It happens when we pass each other in the halls at work, at the park, in line at Starbucks. We ask when making small talk before getting down to business. It even happens when we are waiting for the test results that reveal we have cancer. How’s it going? On January 19, 2018, I parried that question five or six times before one of my best friends at the office asked it. It felt like I would be lying to not answer. “This week, man—” But I had to stop. How do you tell someone in the hallway outside the cafeteria that you are waiting on imaging results to confirm a suspected cancer diagnosis? “Uh oh. What is it?” he asked. With tears already beginning to gather in my eyes, I asked him to find me in my office later. There I eventually told him how I was actually doing. Stopping to listen Over the last year, I’ve had lots of good days and bad days, but the typical American casual interaction has bothered me on every single one. I’ve noticed that when we ask, “How’s it going?” “What’s up?” or “How are you?” in passing, we almost never truly want to know the answer. It’s just a stand-in for “I see you.” Often, we don’t even stop walking to hear the answer. So one day, I tried an experiment. I started answering a different question than the one asked. “What’s up?” “Good, you?”...
Source: Harvard Health Blog - Category: Consumer Health News Authors: Tags: Cancer Health Mental Health Relationships Source Type: blogs