How to Tell if You ’ re Normal

“Am I normal?” Robert, a 24-year old programmer, asked me a few months into our work together. “What makes you ask that question right now?” We had been talking about his new relationship and how he was feeling good about getting more serious. “Well I just wonder if it’s normal to feel as much anxiety as I do.” “What is normal?” I asked him. So, what is normal? According to the dictionary, normal means “conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.” But when it comes to humanity normal does not apply. It’s true that most of us try to “conform to a standard” socially, but in private, our freer true Selves have quirks, and unique preferences; we are infinitely complex, highly imperfect one-of-a-kind creations — our billions of nerve cells uniquely programmed by genetics and experiences. Yet we wonder, “Am I normal?” Why? It has to do with our very human fear of rejection and disconnection. When someone brings up normalcy what they are usually wondering is, “Do I fit in?” or “Am I lovable?” or “Do I have to hide aspects of myself to be accepted?” I suspected Robert’s sudden question about normalcy had to do with his new relationship. Love renders us vulnerable to rejection. We naturally become vigilant for what we dare not expose. I asked Robert, “Do you judge yourself for feeling anxious?” “Yes,” he said. “What do you think it says about you that you have anxiety?” I asked. “It means I am defective!” ...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Self-Esteem Self-Help anxiety Criticism defective Fear fitting in Judgment Quirks Rejection self-worth Shame Social Anxiety toxic shame Source Type: blogs