Fatherhood: Optional

“We have a personality clash,” my father would flippantly remark before storming off. This was his throwaway line. I stood there dumbfounded. A sensitive teenager, the words wounded. There was a cold dismissiveness in his voice. “What have I ever done to you?” I wondered. The answer: Nothing. But that doesn’t stop the lingering hurt. In 1997, 2007, and, yes, 2017. As an adult, I hear friends beam about spending Father’s Day with their old man. There are golf outings and sporting events interspersed with fatherly words of wisdom. It is heartwarming. Like put it on a Hallmark card heartwarming. But, truthfully, there is a tinge of envy. And, on some days, that tinge hardens into cold resentment. While my two brothers and I struggle with my father’s cool indifference, my unaffected father has seemingly moved on. He ignores text messages; shrugs off family phone calls. My brothers and I are alternately dismayed and disgusted. But more than revisiting family anguish, my column focuses on strategies to cope with an AWOL father. Compassion When your anger smolders, it is difficult to feel compassion or even understanding. But amidst my simmering fury, I harken back to my my father’s father. For my brothers and me, he was a well-coiffed (albeit unapproachable) grandfather. For my father, I suspect he was that much more distant. And even to this untrained eye, my father’s joylessness bears a striking resemblance to my emotionally detached grandfather. When I envision...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Anger Children and Teens Family Grief and Loss Parenting Personal absentee dad Absentee father Conflict Resolution emotionally unavailable Estrangement Family Arguments father's day Fatherhood hurt Neglect Resentment Source Type: blogs