Tesla Motors Receives 5-Star Suicide Safety Rating From American Psychiatric Association.

Arlington, VA -  Premium car company Tesla Motors, maker of the all electric and emission free Model S luxury vehicle, proudly accepted the coveted 5-Star Suicide Safety rating on Friday from the American Psychiatric Association's Suicide Prevention Board (APASPB). During over 40 years of independent suicide testing, the APASPB has never given out a 5-Star rating to a car company because of the exceptionally high risk of carbon monoxide poisoning and general risk of death experienced during closed garage suicide field testing."We are thrilled to be recognized by the APA as a leading manufacturer of safe suicide technology.  Our engineers have worked countless hours perfecting the Model S to  provide the safest possible suicide attempt for sad and lonely rich executives and their children lucky enough to pluck down $100,000 for a big-ass battery,"  said  Tesla Vice President of Engineering Ben Franzen.During two years of field testing, Tesla asked depressed volunteers to park a Tesla inside an enclosed garage structure, turn the vehicle on and wait. "Our data confirms a 0% death rate at 1 hour, 4 hours and 12 hours, which is much longer than any adolescent has ever been known to keep interest in anything.  We know Americans have many transportation choices and we want parents to know their children can attempt suicide in our Tesla with confidence, "  said Mr. Franzen.While Tesla is not the first emission free vehicle on the market, it is the ...
Source: The Happy Hospitalist - Category: Internal Medicine Authors: Source Type: blogs