12 Steps To Let Go Of A Grudge

A grudge is a worn, ugly, itchy sweater you can't get rid of – because if you do, how will you stay warm? Nursing a grievance is part of human nature: At some point, almost everyone does it. Freeing yourself from a festering grudge that's taken on a life of its own isn't easy. But the relief and lightness you'll feel are worth it. Below, therapists explain how grudges hurt you and outline steps for letting go. The Unforgiven The unfaithful partner, the uncaring parent, the ex-best friend who shunned you. The workplace bully, the criminal, even your younger self. You have a genuine grievance. Now what? After a betrayal like infidelity, the urge to protect yourself from further hurt or pain is common, says Jeff Harris, program manager for the employee assistance program at the University of Southern California.  "We recognize that we've been hurt and are out of power and may be vulnerable," says Harris, a licensed marriage, family and child counselor. "We don't like that vulnerability, and that's OK – that's adaptive." Hanging onto the hurt can be a "power bargaining chip" in a relationship, he says, one the injured partner can play at any time: "Don't bring up your complaint about me – remember when?" Continuing to keep a partner at arm's length from mistrust prevents the relationship from becoming deeper and more satisfying, Harris says, even when a partner offers an apology and actively changes his or her behavior. Sometimes, of course, that apolo...
Source: Healthy Living - The Huffington Post - Category: Consumer Health News Source Type: news