Fun is a Superpower
Magic isn’t real in the sense that someone can *poof* disappear or have three wishes or suddenly be “beautiful” as in magazine-pretty (Ned’s term). But real magic is about spinning straw into gold, by which I mean creating something fascinating and special out of the ordinary.
On my bike rides I go to tiny spots in ordinary neighborhoods where I am entering whole worlds. I imagine and crave to be at these places, and that makes me want to get on my bike. So it’s not exercise, it’s play. I look to my right, on Old Orchard Road, and I squint a little, and that lawn there becomes like a mea...
Source: Susan's Blog - May 29, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
But Maybe Autism Parents Can Let Go?
What’s the other side of the “I can never die?” plaint of the autism parent? I’ve done a lot of writing about the need for more protections of our vulnerable guys who do not live with us. Even so, for many of us that is not a sustainable solution. And we are not the center of the issue, even though we love our children and want to protect them. No, they themselves are. And it is their right as human beings to claim their independence if that is what they wish.
So — perhaps we parents can take a lesson from — of all things — the story of Abraham and Isaac. Not the sacrifice part ...
Source: Susan's Blog - May 13, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Why Autism Parents Say “ I Can Never Die ”
Here is my 13th column for Psychology Today. It’s been a great year writing for them! This column is about why autism parents say “I can never die.“ (Source: Susan's Blog)
Source: Susan's Blog - April 28, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Light it up blue or red? We need a whole rainbow
Today is World Autism Acceptance/Awareness Day. Do you light it up blue? Wear red?
(Answer: I only wear what looks good on me.) Seriously, I have nothing against the Blue. Or the Red. Not so for others in my community. The Blue is deplored by many because people in our community have a beef with Autism Speaks, the original Blue Puzzle Piece organization. The antipathy ranges from how AS funds are spent, to awful Public Service Announcements from their early beginning, to the fact that research is mostly about cause and not direct support. Causation research is by implication about eradicating autism. This feels like a thre...
Source: Susan's Blog - April 2, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Albert Camus ’ Search For Autism Housing
As an autism mom trying to build Nat’s future, I ought to know by now that it is always darkest before the dawn, that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. How many times do I have to learn that? The problem is, because this is real life, real people, I am always suffused with the fear that this time the bad stuff is going to last. And then, after a terrible phase of hopelessness and anger, of digging in the dark caves of despair, I stumble upon a tiny idea that is like a crack in the rock. I then test it out with a deluge of emails to my mentors. I latch onto their kind and wise responses and I find the wa...
Source: Susan's Blog - March 28, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
When the Fork in the Road is Actually a Knife
When Nat was 10, he was offered a choice in classrooms, where Nat’s alleged functioning level and behavior were the deciding factors. If we chose Door A, Nat would be consigned to a “pragmatics” classroom. Separate, low expectations, ADLs, making change. If we chose Door B, the Director told us, “imagine the opportunities that would open to him.” Academics. Inclusion. Friends. “But,” he said gravely, “he must keep those behaviors under control.”
Oh how that classroom sparkled and seduced me, like the Sirens to Odysseus. So I chose it with great hope and trepidation. But...
Source: Susan's Blog - March 21, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
There ’ s No Place Like (Forever) Home in Autism Adulthood
“Live in ‘parment.'”
Back when Nat was transitioning out of school, at the beginning of his adulthood, we were able to learn from him that he wanted to liven in an apartment. For a year leading up to his turning 22, I searched for apartments that he could share with a roommate or two, and a live-in caregiver. I took him along. I don’t know which of us was more excited. I figured we’d fund it through Social Security and Adult Foster Care (a live-in caregiver who’d get a small tax-free stipend). Nat loved the city life he’d always lived, and so we wanted to duplicate this as closely ...
Source: Susan's Blog - March 18, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Listening to an autistic person
Here is my latest post in Psychology Today, about listening to what Nat has to say. (Source: Susan's Blog)
Source: Susan's Blog - February 27, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Closing Time
I didn’t even notice the sign at first, I just pushed the heavy door open and walked up to the cash register to order. Jimmy Owens, the barrista who greets you with “Hihowaya?” pointed to the door, and there it was in black and white. Peet’s in Coolidge Corner would be closing its doors on January 25th. “What? Why?” I sputtered, but I kind of already knew. Just like the Chestnut Hill Peet’s that closed last year, the volume of business in Coolidge Corner Peet’s probably did not justify its operation anymore. Corporate metrics. But although our Peet’s is technically part of ...
Source: Susan's Blog - January 31, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
The (Dis)Comfort Zone
I realized recently that I rarely stray outside my comfort zone. It takes such an effort for me to keep going to classes, for example, or anything at night. Parties on weekends are a supreme effort at times, though I’m usually glad I went. But why is there such an effort behind going out, forward?
Anxiety runs in my family, I believe all of us but Ned suffer from it. Mine comes in waves, where the terrible times make me feel like old wood, about to crack and splinter. I think Nat’s is like this, too. When he was a baby and had some new food in front of him, he said, “Don’t worry hot dogs.” Try...
Source: Susan's Blog - January 14, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Connecting is everything
I talked about you today. I was thinking about our new agreement, that we follow the schedules carefully, use the timer, and stay consistent. We didn’t make this a formal agreement, of course, it was one suggested by Miyabe and Elaine, and then underlined by your insistence to keep the world from becoming chaos.
I’ve always known you wanted that, but it was my belief back then that we had to make you flexible, that we wanted to be able to be our impulsive selves, to be a family of five, and not just three. I wanted your brothers lives and rights to be as strong and vital as yours.
I also learned a long time ago...
Source: Susan's Blog - January 10, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
From Tribal Fusion Bellydance to Tolstoy
I’ve always been fascinated by extreme opposites working together at the same time. I love the way classical, orderly Enlightenment Europe morphed into its opposite, stormy, histrionic Romanticism. In philosophy, music, poetry, and painting. Late eighteenth century rationalism caves into moody sturm und drang of the early nineteenth century. The symmetry of Mozart into the surprises of Beethoven. Voltaire, Rousseau and then Hegel to Marx.
Whew. That was a long time ago, in history and in my life. I thought those interests of mine had gone underground in the last few decades of my life, disappearing into autism advoca...
Source: Susan's Blog - January 8, 2019 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Timer heals all things
When Nat was five he started his life at the May School in Arlington. The May is a behavioral school, dedicated to positive reinforcement such as earning tokens towards desirables, taking small incremental steps towards goals, and scrupulous attention to “behaviors.” The May people jumped right in to getting Nat’s attention, which is one of the first lessons taught in behavioral schools. I was very heartened to see Nat learning how to pay attention to people.
Nat’s first May teacher was joyful and kind. She focused her bright eyes on Nat and got him to listen to her sometimes. At the May Nat learned...
Source: Susan's Blog - December 24, 2018 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Motherhood OCD
About 25 years ago, I suffered from acute Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It took the form of going back and checking. Really ugly stuff, I’m not going to describe it here. Until I had a very wise therapist who really understood — that, combined with Prozac, and the day came where I felt the tormented tickle of “you better turn around and look,” yet I walked on.
Moving forward is particularly difficult for me because I often still dip into obsessive-compulsive disorder. Now it is not the way it was back then, it is more of an idling, stalling engine. It stays put, rather than whipping me backwards. I...
Source: Susan's Blog - December 19, 2018 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
Relationship OCD
You got the cool water, when the fever runs high. — Paul Simon
About 25 years ago, I suffered from acute Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It took the form of going back and checking. Really ugly stuff, I’m not going to describe it here. Until I had a very wise therapist who really understood — that, combined with Prozac, and the day came where I felt the tormented tickle of “you better turn around and look,” yet I walked on.
Moving forward is particularly difficult for me because I often still dip into obsessive-compulsion disorder. Now it is not the way it was back then, it is more of an idling...
Source: Susan's Blog - December 19, 2018 Category: Child Development Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs
