Relationship OCD

You got the cool water, when the fever runs high. — Paul Simon About 25 years ago, I suffered from acute Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It took the form of going back and checking. Really ugly stuff, I’m not going to describe it here. Until I had a very wise therapist who really understood — that, combined with Prozac, and the day came where I felt the tormented tickle of “you better turn around and look,” yet I walked on. Moving forward is particularly difficult for me because I often still dip into obsessive-compulsion disorder. Now it is not the way it was back then, it is more of an idling, stalling engine. It stays put, rather than whipping me backwards. In other words, it is bearable. But that, combined with my sharp and heavy mood swings, make it a challenge to see my way out of the chaos that is my life. I hear things on two levels, all the time. I hear the meaning the person is trying to convey, while I hear all the lifelong messages in my own mind — emotional clouding of the picture, checking and re-checking the words. This condition is worst when it comes to Nat. I have conversations about Nat and I’m parsing the intended message, right along with, “Wait a minute, is this message I’m hearing okay? What did I do, is this my fault? Did I screw something up, or did they?” Right away it’s either-or, right away I’m defensive and really it’s all because of fear. I get afraid that my whole world...
Source: Susan's Blog - Category: Child Development Authors: Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs