Detaching With Love: Setting Boundaries with Difficult Elderly Parents

Photo credit David Hinkle When the family member we are trying to care for is critical, impossible to please or emotionally abusive, long-standing family dynamics are often to blame. I’m not talking about an elder who is suffering from chronic pain or has little control over their moods and behaviors because of Alzheimer’s disease or another type of dementia. In those cases, it is clear that we need the help of professionals to find a solution, like palliative care for symptom relief or a memory care unit that specializes in dementia behaviors. What I'm referring to are children who after a historically toxic relationship, are now in a position where they need to make care decisions for an abusive family member. Many members of AgingCare’s Caregiver Forum post about caring for abusive elderly parents. Aging—and the problems that come with it—often makes a toxic parent even more intense. A frail parent may no longer be able to lash out physically, but that loss of control sometimes makes their tongue an even stronger weapon. Yet, it is natural for adult children to love their parents and want to ensure proper care for them as they age. The little kid inside of us most likely still wants our parents’ approval. When we are denied that validation, even as adults, it hurts. If you had a difficult childhood Continue reading on Agingcare for more about how we sometimes need to set boundaries with our older parents to protect our own health: Suppor...
Source: Minding Our Elders - Category: Geriatrics Authors: Source Type: blogs