Parenting and Discipline in “Blended Families”

Parents and stepparents feel differently about kids. Stepparents, even if they care about their stepkids, do not begin with a deeply established heart connection with them. Furthermore, habits, values, and everyday routines are shared between kids and their parents, not between stepparents and stepkids, or in the stepcouple. If stepkids are struggling, one or more of them may be barely speaking to their stepparent. Parents, even when their kids are driving them crazy, usually carry a bedrock feeling of loving and being loved by them. Moreover, parents and kids agree about what’s a “loud” noise and how much mess is “messy.” All of this pulls parents and stepparents to opposite poles of parenting: Stepparents find children’s behavior more irritating and they often want more control and more limits. Parents are used to their children, and feel cared about by them, and they often feel protective of their kids. Family scholars tell us that parents may also have become more permissive and lax as single parents. The Polarization Polka Jane, a stepmom says: “I can’t believe you let your kids get away with… (leaving their stuff all over, talking back, not doing the dishes, etc.)” Joe, the parent, replies, a bit defensively, “They’re just being kids.” Jane, feeling frustrated, ups the ante. “Can’t you see? Your kids are slobs and you don’t do a thing about it!” Joe retorts: “You’re over-reacting!” Jane loses her temper and Joe wit...
Source: Conversations with Dr Greene - Category: Pediatricians Authors: Tags: Perspectives Parenting Parenting & Discipline Source Type: blogs