Dancing With Fear: A Day in My Life Without a Left Pelvic Bone
I walk like a penguin, I think, chuckling at my short stride. The pain in my hip is significant when I shift weight to my left leg. The pain ascends rapidly the further I step forward, so I shuffle. This sensation is not deep inside like the lightning strikes I felt when my tumor was growing long ago, but instead it shoots out towards my abductors.
I envision my pain as an iron plate, compacted by the burden of cancer, consuming the space formerly occupied by cancerous bone. This plate does not respect my orthopedic oncology surgeon's handiwork -- muscle stapled and taped to other muscle -- and is waiting to explode downw...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - June 13, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: a day in my life fear and rage Source Type: blogs
Top 10 Weight-Loss Mistakes
Since I reached 6 percent body fat last year, friends have asked for tips on how to lose weight. After I share the sacrifices and lifestyle changes necessary for the most efficient and maximal loss, they stop talking to me. To ensure I still have some friends left, instead of providing detailed tips here are my simplified weight-loss mistakes:
Telling others you're on a "diet." Losing fat and keeping it off requires me to remain on a permanent "diet," which I might as well define as "permanent judgment and loss of friends." I'm better off proclaiming I actually enjoy eating broccoli.
Saying you want to lose "weight" when ...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - May 31, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: super model Source Type: blogs
My First Descents Challenge
Everyone comes down from cloud nine. Last year I went on a group rock-climbing trip through the nonprofit organization First Descents to Moab, Utah, and it was among my most fun weeks. First Descents’ mission is to “offer young adult cancer fighters and survivors a free outdoor adventure experience designed to empower…reclaim their lives and connect with others doing the same.”
On the trip I gained a new favorite hobby, self-discovery and stalwart friends. Afterward, someone posted on our group webpage daily and we were already planning for this year’s trip—called “FD2” for those who attended “FD1” the...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - May 22, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: travels Source Type: blogs
Brooklyn's Finest (Part II of II)
Read this first: Brooklyn's Finest (Part I of II)
The next day we visited Brooklyn Boulders, a rock-climbing gym that my grade school friend, Lance Pinn, founded and owns. In high school Lance was suave with girls, passed advanced classes without trying and seemed born able to read people and business opportunities like I was born able to tolerate Adriamycin. After college and seeing an enormous market for climbing gyms, he and two partners collected the capital for Brooklyn Boulders.
I had emailed Lance two months ago about my 10-year cancer-free anniversary and how I wanted to celebrate at his gym. He immediately made...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - May 11, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: travels Source Type: blogs
Brooklyn’s Finest (Part I of II)
Feeling giddy, I called my new friend, Gümmë, from the train two weeks ago. She was rushing to a meeting while I was approaching New York Penn Station. “My friend owns a rock-climbing gym in Brooklyn, so some friends and I are going this weekend,” I said.
“That sounds fun.”
I didn’t share that we would also be celebrating the 10-year anniversary of my bone marrow transplant. I dislike self-promotion, though sometimes family and friends partake without me having to try hard. My parents sent me on the comfortable Amtrak instead of me paying for the bus, which is what Dirty-D, my first-year roommate at UVA,...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - May 10, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: travels Source Type: blogs
A Conversation With My Bone Marrow on Her 10th Birthday
"I suck at being an adult," I said to my bone marrow while we ate our breakfast today: oatmeal prepared on the stove top with ground cinnamon and sliced banana.
"Don't be so hard on yourself," my bone marrow replied. "You're a good host, except when you refuse to buy me push-up bras to impress the boy bone marrows."
Ten years ago today, on April 24, 2003, I received my umbilical cord stem cell transplant to treat myelodysplasia, my second cancer. My bone marrow donor was an anonymous girl, so my blood has two of the same sex chromosome, XX, instead of XY.
I have reared my bone marrow as my child, and my only complaint i...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - April 24, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: cancer-free anniversary imaginative Source Type: blogs
Ten Years Cancer-Free in Three Days
Sarah Palin has weighed in on my umbilical cord stem cell transplant, which I received on April 24, 2003, meaning this Wednesday my bone marrow turns 10. When my fellow UVA graduate, Katie Couric, asked Palin whether I should have accepted the stem cells, Palin said, “The only difference between humans and animals is the willingness to sacrifice oneself in the face of sin. Does that answer your question? Wahoowa, Couric.”
When Couric informed Palin that an umbilical cord transplant is different than stem cell research and does not involve fetuses, Palin said, “Like I’m going to fall for another one of your tricky ...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - April 21, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: politics Source Type: blogs
My Sonic Hedgehog
My dad loves a good deal. When he saw that an Alexandria Chevrolet dealership was offering $4,000 for any trade-in—four times the value of my 1999 Chevrolet Cavalier—he lit up and emailed me the offer. “Cash for clunkers is back!” I said.
I gave my dad the green light to work his negotiating magic on my behalf for a new 2013 Sonic LTZ turbo. Apparently he is a wizard:
Trade-in: $4,000
Random rebates: $1,000
Taxes, tags, fees and destination charge: $0
My parents letting me use their GM MasterCard rewards: $2,500
Estimated drive-away price without discounts: $22,500; my drive-away price: $15,000.
I thought back...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - April 17, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: living habits economics family Source Type: blogs
I Know Everything about Pope Francis
Weeks ago I visited PepperoniNip and La Mole in Florida for a brief vacation that included Baltimore Orioles spring training, fried gator tail and elderly people. My ageism diminished significantly after making friends with an 80-something at the ballpark. 89 is the new 75.
My return flight to Washington departed on-time at 4 p.m. A hailstorm in Atlanta, where my short layover would be, shut down Atlanta Airport and my plane diverted to tiny Savannah Airport. The captain kept us on the tarmac in hopes that we could be one of the first planes back out to Atlanta when the storm cleared.
Now infused with anti-ageism, I chat...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - April 4, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: travels Source Type: blogs
I Got Huffington Posted
My fourth Huffington Post story, “Why Women Rule the World,” published Tuesday evening on the website’s Women blog (as opposed to its Healthy Living/Generation Why blog where my previous three stories published). I’m excited to expand my writing topics to reach new readers.
Until Arianna Huffington gets sick of me, I’ll continue as a contributing blogger. Since I may not update this blog each time a new Huff Post story publishes, you can receive notifications other ways, including Twitter and Facebook. You can also subscribe to my Huffington Post feed here.
You can view my Huffington Post profile, which disp...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - March 28, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: girls Source Type: blogs
How to Complete Your NCAA March Madness Bracket Like a Boss
Get a computer with at least 6 GB RAM and Intel Core i5. You will need the power after you…
Open 12 tabs on Firefox or Chrome, but not Explorer. Also, I just realized you will need to…
Get a 27-inch widescreen monitor.
Open a tab with the latest Vegas odds of:
Winning the tournament.
Winning each region.
Winning the round of 64.
Open a tab with the trends of which teams people are picking to win the tournament.
Open tabs with team schedules, RPI, rankings and cheerleaders. F. mascots.
Open the bracket for each of your pools, in descending order of difficulty-to-win based on the number of people in the pool and t...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - March 23, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: sports Source Type: blogs
The Drawbacks of Voluntary Crutching, aka 'Quadstepping'
Last week my third Huffington Post blog published, titled, “The Joys of Voluntary Crutching, aka ‘Quadstepping,’” which you can read here. Many people would not have thought that I mostly view my foldable forearm crutches positively, or that the crutches would change my life.
However, there are times when my crutches are inconvenient…
At first I carried them in my backpack, but they consumed too much space, jabbed my cheek when I turned, and terrorized passersby. Feeling like Nicholas Cage carrying a bow around in The Weatherman, I would have accepted those inconveniences if not for my backpack requiring giant ...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - March 13, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: living habits Source Type: blogs
I Am Who I Should Have Thought I Would Be
In high school I brought Trident to chew after lunch—it was that fourth dentist that sold me over the then-competitor Carefree. My friends leveraged this knowledge and preyed on my gum. I responded by bringing only one piece every day, leading to their disappointment and stereotype jokes. My decision had nothing to do with money since my dad bought (and continues to buy) me an unending supply. It was a matter of efficiency. I should have known then the type of grown-up I would become…
I bought a 12-quart pot so I can boil 40 pieces of chicken at once. Boiled chicken is dry and tasteless, but it is worth the time saved...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - March 5, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: living habits economics Source Type: blogs
My Dad on Exercise
Bullseye has walked four to six miles for exercise almost every day, for 25 years. When home, he’ll walk the same route around the neighborhood or on the treadmill if the weather is poor. He’ll also walk the same route when he’s on vacation at the beach (at the same hotel every year). At the last job he held for over 30 years, he walked the same blocks, or the same hallways if the weather was poor.
Despite spending more time in Washington, D.C., than almost any other location throughout his life, he couldn’t tell me about his surroundings, where landmarks are, or how to get anywhere. “What do I care where you y...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - February 17, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: family Source Type: blogs
Huffingstein Post
My publisher asks me to write a “Top 10 Cancer-Surviving Tips” article for Men’s Health Magazine in 2010 → I draft the article → send it to my publisher and literary agent, K → K says, “That is among the funniest things I have ever read. I was seriously laughing my a** off” → I am glowing because I love compliments from K → finalize my humor article → submit it to my publisher, who submits it to Men’s Health Magazine → No dice → I sit on the article → work on it again because I have a burning need to see all my projects to completion and hate sitting on things → resubmit the article to humor...
Source: I've Still Got Both My Nuts: A True Cancer Blog - February 8, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: filler Source Type: blogs
