Adoptive Families Are Real Families: A Note from a Mom

As a freelance writer, words mean a great deal to me.  In fact, I spend my days putting together just the right combination of words to form personal essays and blog posts, which are published regularly at magazines and websites, including psychcentral.com.  I also teach the art of writing essays at Kent State University and at Gotham Writers’ Workshop. This is why my heart broke when Tommy, my teenage adopted son (who happens to be on the spectrum), used a terrible combination of words at his aunt and uncle’s Christmas party this year. He said, “My real mother gave me away because she was too poor to take care of me.” My problem was with his use of the word “real.” How this even came up was that Tommy’s aunt and uncle had just adopted a new puppy, and he was comparing himself to the puppy that was given away.  The issue was magnified by the fact that my husband’s whole family was there at the Christmas party, and I was embarrassed that I was relegated to “unreal” mother status. At the time Tommy used the word, I did not correct him. I was too upset to do so. It wasn’t until we got home and I had a good night’s sleep that I ventured into the world of educating him about the political correctness of the use of the words “birth mother.” The minute I said something, he understood that he, with the use of “real mother,” had hurt my feelings. Tommy said that he didn’t know what to say, but from then on, he would say “birth mother.” My hus...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Children and Teens Communication Parenting Personal Adoption adoptive family Birth Mother blended family Source Type: blogs