Space Out

I'm in some kind of mode that I've been in before, where I don't want to face situations so I put them off, ignore them, pretend they don't exist.  But of course they do, and I will pay for it later, it just seems overwhelming right now.When I was much younger and living on my own, I didn't want to deal or think about money.  I just pushed it out of my mind, didn't open bills, maybe didn't check my mail for periods at a time, and then I would come home and the electricity would be off.  I'd have to scramble through all the unopened bills to find the cut-off electricity bill and hurry to pay it so it could be turned back on that evening.  A lot of times it's not that I didn't have the money, I just didn't want to think about it.  I have no idea why.  No, I didn't have a lot of money, I was a struggling working girl just trying to make ends meet, but I had the money to pay an electric bill for a one bedroom apartment.  However, I never balanced my checkbook, so at any given time, I really didn't have a clue exactly how much money I had.  So now, everytime the electricity goes out because of storm or who knows, I immediately panic, and Mark can't figure out why I am so frantic about when it will come back on, but maybe it's because in the past, it was always in my control and - ultimately my fault.  I search for the electric bill and call the company right away to report the outage, find out when they expect it to be back on, and go a...
Source: bipolar.and.me - Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs