Braving the Binge

It is 2 AM. The apartment is still. Empty jars of peanut butter, quarts of ice cream, and entire boxes of granola bars. Gone. Hundreds to thousands of calories consumed in just minutes. A food spread of shame. Of procrastination. Of emptiness. Of I don’t know what. Fast forward to the next day. On the outside, you see a petite girl whose joyous, whose positive, whose present. On the inside: severe stomach pains, body aches, chest discomfort. And those are just the physical effects. I am drained. I am disgusted. I am trapped. Cycles of isolation feeding isolation. Literally. Who am I? I am an artist, a city girl, an almost college graduate. A forced optimist, constantly trying to challenge the natural pessimist. I don’t always think rationally, but I don’t consider myself impulsive. I don’t consider myself lonely, but I’m definitely not the social magnet. I can’t connect the dots. So I continue to ask myself, why? I was always the kid who would scarf down ten cookies in a sitting, but remain a stick. But things changed in the summer after junior year of high school. I was at a physically rigorous theatre program, and the constant exercise gave me the permission to eat whatever, whenever. When my roommate would leave the room, I would dig into bags of bread and jars of nutella, of rice krispie treats and bags of cheetos. I didn’t have any internal monitor, not even aware that I was quickly packing pounds onto my naturally small frame. By the end of the summer, ...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Anorexia Binge Eating Bulimia Eating Disorders New Year's Personal Self-Esteem Bingeing Body Image Low Self Esteem self-compassion self-worth Source Type: blogs