How to Figure Out Your Boundaries

Boundaries are vital for healthy relationships. They also give “us room and safety to live the beautiful, loving lives — and world — we came to create,” according to Jan Black, author of Better Boundaries: Owning and Treasuring Your Life. But you might be so used to saying yes and focusing on other people’s needs and happiness that you’re unsure about the boundaries you’d actually like to set. Your early environment often colors your conception of boundaries. “If the bathroom door was always open, your paychecks went to your parents, and your diary was fair game for everyone, your starting point was one of permeable boundaries,” said Ryan Howes, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif. People also might be oblivious to the types of boundaries they can set, because they weren’t aware that there were other options, and they weren’t taught to be reflective, he said. For instance, if you were taught that anger is always bad – it’s usually a sign that your boundary is being violated – then you’ll ignore your emotional response and let your limits get crossed, without resisting, he said. So how do you start defining your personal boundaries when you don’t have much practice? Here are four strategies to try. 1. Tune into your emotions. According to Howes, the strongest indicator of our boundaries is our emotions. For instance, he said, how do you feel when your partner criticizes you, when you go to work or when you...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatrists and Psychologists Authors: Tags: Family Friends General Habits Mental Health and Wellness Relationships Self-Esteem Self-Help Boundaries Emotion Jan Black Julie de Azevedo Hanks Need Psychology Ryan Howes self-worth values Source Type: blogs