Visiting a Person Living with Alzheimer's

Many people have told me how difficult they find it to visit friends and family who have Alzheimer ’s and dementia.By Marilyn RaichleAlzheimer's Reading Room“We have nothing to talk about. I don’t know what to say.”“It’s so sad – she is everything she never wanted to be.”“She would hate this so much. This was her worst nightmare.”So the pattern begins...Subscribe to the Alzheimer's Reading RoomEmail:Visiting makes you sad or uncomfortable,so you don ’t visit.Not visiting makes you feel guilty, so you put off visiting again.“She won’t remember it anyway,” you rationalize.Dementia Patients are People TooWhen you finally do visit, you are even more of a stranger and the visits more of an obligation and a relief when over (probably for both of you).And so it goes …“Doesn’t seeing how your mother has changed make you sad?” I am asked. (I’m pretty sure tears are anticipated…)“Not really,” I say quite honestly.I find mother to be utterly charming, quite funny and genuinely life-affirming.But it took an adjustment.I had to learn to stopprojecting my fears on to Mom– stop thinking about how I would feel if I were in her shoes—how unhappy I would be.But I ’m not in her shoes andthis isn ’t about me.How to Listen to an Alzheimer's PatientWhen I began to listen and let her set the pace, when I learned to appreciate the pleasures of real time, when I was able to see Mom for who she is, not who I wanted her to be, there was no sadness ...
Source: Alzheimer's Reading Room, The - Category: Neurology Tags: alzheimer s alzheimers care alzheimers caregiving Alzheimers Dementia Alzheimers Disease alzheimers information dementia care health memory memory loss Source Type: blogs