Don ' t ask a dying man if he wants bacon or sausage

by Lizzy MilesIt has been four years since I first wrote the article“We Don’t Know Death: 7 Assumptions We Make about the Dying” for Pallimed. You would think that with four more years of experience I would feel more confident in my knowledge about my job and my patients. I don ’t.In fact, I ’m still uncovering assumptions that I make when working with patients who are dying.Recently, I discoveredAssumption #8: Dying patients want to be in control.I had so many reasons and examples to believe this, from the very beginning of my hospice work. I came to this conclusion after just a short timevolunteering. One of the hospice patients I visited would have me adjust the height of her socks continuously for ten to fifteen minutes. At first I didn ’t understand and I thought to myself that she must be a little obsessive. Then I had this a-ha moment.She can ’t control the big things, so she wants to control the little things.This assumption held up for a while. I would have frustrated caregivers who would tell me that their dying loved one was impossible and demanding over little stuff: the lights in the room, the arrangement of the drapes. These caregivers would be exasperated. I would validate their feelings of frustration, but also encourage them to empathize. I ’d tell them that it’s tough to be dying. The dying need to control what they can. Often this worked to provide some relief to the caregiver, if only briefly.Slowly, though, my solid belief in the dying p...
Source: Pallimed: A Hospice and Palliative Medicine Blog - Category: Palliative Care Tags: communication control hospice lizzy lizzy miles psychosocial social work social worker Source Type: blogs