Teaching Young Kids to Tolerate Uncomfortable Emotions

Your child starts wailing because they want to play with your phone, and you took it away. So you promptly give it back.
Your child is anxious about an upcoming performance at their preschool, so you immediately tell them there’s nothing to be nervous about, and it’ll be perfectly fine.
Your child is sad about a fight with their friend, so you try to cheer them up. You make jokes, tell them not to be upset, and mention that they have sooo many things to be thankful for.
Your child starts crying about anything, and you blurt out: “Don’t cry! It’s OK! What can I do to make you happy?”
According to Carla Naumburg, Ph.D, a clinical social worker and parent coach, this is a common mistake so many of us parents make. We rush to fix our kids’ problems (It’s OK! I’ll get you a new ice cream cone!), and we focus on behaviors, “without acknowledging the feelings behind them” (“We don’t bite! No biting!”).
Of course, we have good, compassionate intentions. But this isn’t helpful.
One of the biggest reasons we gloss over our kids’ emotions is because we can’t tolerate our own discomfort. Maybe it’s because no one taught us (because our parents didn’t know how to either). Maybe it’s because those feelings trigger memories and emotions we haven’t felt in years, and we don’t know what to do with them, Naumburg said. Maybe it’s because processing painful feelings requires time, patience and presence, and we’re too rushed, too exhausted, too...

Source: World of Psychology - August 6, 2018 Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Tags: Children and Teens General Mental Health and Wellness Parenting Self-Help Source Type: blogs