A physician ’s compassion well has run dry

As she lay on the gurney telling me she was tired and having vaginal bleeding yet again, I was doing my own biopsy of her medical record. It stated very clearly that palliative care and hospice had been recommended to her for her end-stage gynecologic cancer. So, why, I’m thinking, highly annoyed, is she now in the ER, late at night, creating problems for me? Why could she just not accept that she was dying and there was nothing left to be done? I babbled some nonsense about how I would check some lab work and get back with her, but in truth, I was thinking only of the stack of patients yet to wade through, the lab, x-ray, CT results that needed my review, and charts that needed to be completed. This, on the heels of attempting to resuscitate a 40-year-old cardiac arrest to no avail, and still awaiting his family to arrive. The constant barrage of phone calls, hallway interruptions, and overhead pages guaranteed I would not be leaving the hospital anywhere close to the end of my shift. I was thinking nothing of her or her plight. To have compassion is to have feelings of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. My compassion well had run dry. I was beyond exhausted, defeated really, and now full of self-loathing. Had I really become angry that a patient would not readily accept a terminal diagnosis? Was I so callous, so self-absorbed, that a person’s end-of-life medical issues meant not...
Source: Kevin, M.D. - Medical Weblog - Category: Journals (General) Authors: Tags: Physician Emergency Source Type: blogs