I’ve Been Deluding Myself About My MS: It’s Worse Than I Thought

Many of you who have been following this blog for a few years or have read my book, Chef Interrupted, will know that I use the mantra “control is an illusion” fairly often. What I’ve come to know is that we can only control our reactions and our responses; everything else is pretty much out of our control. Today, after a couple of weeks of new multiple sclerosis (MS) symptoms and progression that is hanging on with a grip far better than mine, I have to wonder if I haven’t replaced my illusion of control with a delusion of normalcy. Appalled by How Far I Have Fallen I have been appalled by how far I seem to have fallen in the past days. My gait, my strength, my stamina, my cognition, and my speech — they’ve all taken a serious hit in the past fortnight, and so has my self-esteem. It’s why I’ve missed posting blogs for you all last week. Caryn has also had to take a whole new role in caretaking, as she has kept me from wandering around like a stoner looking for Screaming Yellow Zonkers. We’ve laughed about it for lack of anything else to do, but that’s how I’ve felt: as if my mind and body have been totally stoned on drugs. Maybe I Shouldn’t Be So Surprised I have been appalled, but Caryn was surprised — not by how heavy my comedown has been, but that I see it as so new and so odd. I’ve often said that I’m not the only one in the house living with my MS, and this experience bears that out. It seems that Caryn has seen this coming for some ti...
Source: Life with MS - Category: Neurology Authors: Tags: MS multiple sclerosis Living with MS MS and family MS symptoms trevis gleason Source Type: blogs