Understanding the Motivations of Others
I’m grateful that my training as a
therapist focused on understanding motivation, that is, why people say what
they say and do what they do. Understanding motivation is key to having positive
interactions with people whether talking
about eating or anything else under the sun. After all, the why is as
important as the what.
Did it ever occur to you that
someone’s remarks or actions have nothing to do with you even though they’re directed at you? Here’s an example. Say you’re telling a friend that binge-eating
is now considered a disorder under the same clinical umbrella as anorexia and
bulimia, which you mention because you
know your friend used to have bulimia. Then, say, your friend gets touchy and
immediately changes the subject. There are two possible explanations: Either you
said something offensive or, equally possible, you didn’t, but your friend was triggered
emotionally by what you said.
Maybe your friend was uncomfortable
being reminded that she used to be bulimic. It could be a sore subject with
her, one she doesn’t want to think or talk about and your raising it upsets her.
Rather than saying she’s uncomfortable, however, she gets angry.
Another example. Say you’re trying
to spend less time with Mom because she doesn’t listen to you, treats you like
a child, and is bossy and controlling. Explaining that you’re very busy with
work and the kids, you propose getting together every other, rather than every,
week. S...
Source: Normal Eating - Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs