Understanding the Motivations of Others

I’m grateful that my training as a therapist focused on understanding motivation, that is, why people say what they say and do what they do. Understanding motivation is key to having positive interactions  with people whether talking about eating or anything else under the sun. After all, the why is as important as the what. Did it ever occur to you that someone’s remarks or actions have nothing to do with you even though they’re directed at you? Here’s an example. Say you’re telling a friend that binge-eating is now considered a disorder under the same clinical umbrella as anorexia and bulimia, which you  mention because you know your friend used to have bulimia. Then, say, your friend gets touchy and immediately changes the subject. There are two possible explanations: Either you said something offensive or, equally possible, you didn’t, but your friend was triggered emotionally by what you said.  Maybe your friend was uncomfortable being reminded that she used to be bulimic. It could be a sore subject with her, one she doesn’t want to think or talk about and your raising it upsets her. Rather than saying she’s uncomfortable, however, she gets angry. Another example. Say you’re trying to spend less time with Mom because she doesn’t listen to you, treats you like a child, and is bossy and controlling. Explaining that you’re very busy with work and the kids, you propose getting together every other, rather than every, week. S...
Source: Normal Eating - Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Source Type: blogs