New paper provides evidence-backed insights on how not to come across as a jerk

By Alex Fradera Why do we screw up the good impressions we mean to make? In the extensive scientific literature on self-presentation, the most popular theory is that failures are due to a loss of control. We snap at someone, allow our voice to falter, or let our unlikeable side slip out from underneath the managed veneer. According to this theory, we know how we should behave, and only fall short because we’re distracted or drained of self-control. But a new paper in Social and Personality Psychology Compass argues that people often make bad impressions, not because of a lack of self-control, but because they adopt counterproductive presentational tactics. Utrecht University’s Janina Steinmetz and her colleagues unpack several such tactics that many of us believe to be likely to impress but which psychology research shows are big mistakes. Their paper makes for a handy guide on how not to come across as a jerk. First, hold back from back-handed compliments. Telling someone “you are very smart for an intern” might seem a clever manoeuvre to ensure admiration: encouraging the other person to like you, while reminding them of their place in the hierarchy. But it rarely pans out this way, as we’re quick to see these compliments for what they are: put-downs. What’s more, their calculated nature can betray how much you care about where you are ranked – which comes across as needy and actually lowers your status. Second, quit the humblebragging. Though a newly coined...
Source: BPS RESEARCH DIGEST - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Social Source Type: blogs