Nice Women Finish Last

I am assertive. I am also a nice guy. You are assertive. But are you a nice woman? Or a nasty one? In our gendered culture, niceness is a double-edged sword. It can be a fawning compliment or a searing denunciation. As your eyes crinkle in confusion, let me explain. For men, it is socially acceptable to be assertive — even demanding. From Trump’s pugnacious campaign to head coach Frank Martin’s icy glare, there is a societal expectation — perhaps embrace — of the emphatic man. I can disagree — even vehemently — without violating gender norms. Sure, I may be hard-headed, stubborn, and argumentative, but I am also reaffirming my masculinity. For women, the balance between niceness and assertiveness is different — and difficult. As in bullseye difficult. Pandering to outdated gender stereotypes, we equate niceness with pleasantness — even cheerfulness. For women, niceness equates to deference — even passivity. And within these antiquated, although entrenched, gender norms we form indelible judgments about socially acceptable behavior. Let’s take my beloved mother. My mother was tougher than a two-day old cookie. She was assertive, demanding, and compassionate. Within her career, she ascended into leadership positions. Quickly. But because of her candor, she faced resistance — some justified; most unwarranted. And, not surprisingly, silver-haired males were the ones most resentful of my strong-willed mother. For th...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Men's Issues Minding the Media Personal Policy and Advocacy Women's Issues Assertiveness Donald Trump Expectations Feminism Gender Gender Bias Gender Equality Gender Roles Hillary Clinton Hypocrisy Masculinity nasty woman Source Type: blogs