Holidays in “Blended Families”: Making Holidays Ties That Bind, not Ties That Break

Scheduling, Scheduling, Scheduling. What Are We to Do? Stepfamilies include at least one parent in another household. This fact can make holiday scheduling daunting. Because both mom and dad want to be with their children, tension between ex-spouses over these arrangements can ruin many a holiday for post-divorce children. Most children care much more about peace between their parents than they do about the specifics of holiday scheduling. Do your best to be flexible. Get Creative Many divorced couples solve the problem by splitting the holiday. Mom has Christmas Eve and morning. Dad has Christmas afternoon and evening. The dilemma is that, for many kids, even one holiday celebration can be overwhelming. Meltdowns and/or apparently “bad” behavior at holiday times may be a signal that it is all too much. One of the families in my book (Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships) solved this problem by inventing what they called “Chosen Christmas” and “Chosen Thanksgiving.” One parent celebrated the holiday on the actual date. The other chose a time, at least a week later or earlier. Great Expectations Holidays are also a time of intense expectation for specialness and togetherness, and for familiar comforting rituals. They can bring equally intense disappointment when these expectations are not met. The hope is that holidays will bring a stepfamily together. However, stepfamilies bring together at least two very different cultures. The differences range fro...
Source: Conversations with Dr Greene - Category: Pediatricians Authors: Tags: Perspectives Mental Health Parenting Source Type: blogs