Frustration Abounds

Frustration is the name of the game today and last night. Dad thinks I am taking something or have gotten into some drugs, and he is trying to find out what it is.  It is just that I sleep in the day and evening and every time he is over I’ve been abruptly woken out of a dead sleep. You know how groggy you can be when you’ve been very sound asleep.  You can’t win for losing as the old saying goes. I wish he would just mind his own business and stay out of mine. I feel like I am constantly watched and it doesn't help the paranoid aspect of my schizoaffective disorder as well. He is doing more harm than good.  “Be sober for me tomorrow night when I come over, okay?” he asked me last night as he was stepping out the door. Oh, that just frustrated me to no end. I wanted to throw furniture around the room. “F.er!!!” I muttered loudly when he shut the door. The Whale of a Man About a year ago, I had gotten down to 156 pounds. Dad said I looked gaunt and like a skeleton. Well I have gained back up to 186 as I had promised him and I feel bloated. He was going to buy me a computer part at this milestone, but never did. It has taken just sheer will to get this far, but now I need new clothes. I only have two pairs of shorts that fit me. It also doesn’t help that I am struggling with my bulimia terribly right now. It is a constant fight not to do it. I am a servant to the porcelain throne. My body image is all askew at the moment. My recent Facebook ima...
Source: The 4th Avenue Blues - Category: Mental Illness Authors: Source Type: blogs