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 NeologismI never thought the things I was interested inWould be interesting to anyone else.I never thought of who I was As just a singular iteration Of the same thing playing out On the inside of everybody else No I was differentAn impostor faking it untilI figured out what everyone elseAlready seemed to know.I never learned to danceOr whistle or give a proper wink If I think too much about what I want to sayBefore I say it, it comes out tremblingAnd the words run off to therapy. I ’m still more afraid of what I’ve doneThan the unknown that ’s surely comingIf someone says they ’re proud of meWhat I hear is that they might love me So I can ’t let them know I’mJust another selfish assAnd deserving of nothing but scorn.They might stop loving meOr worse, they wouldn ’t,Maybe pull me closer, double down and Start to love me even more.But that would feel like something elseNot love as I defined it, but different. I would need a new word added to the private Dictionary locked in the cabinet of my headA word I would never say out loudIn front of whoever was right there When I started to feel it happening1/26/24

Source: Buckeye Surgeon - January 26, 2024 Category: Surgery Authors: Jeffrey Parks MD FACS Source Type: blogs