February: The month of love and awareness?
A month ago, I became aware of a talented blogger, Kelly Flanagan, PhD (thank you, Tom) with this right-on post about the real source of his daughter's beauty. By now, you've probably heard about it via other outlets, as this father's perspective has gone viral. Matter-of-fact, Dr. Kelly and his 4-year-old daughter will appear on the TODAY Show on NBC Thursday, February 27th, as part of national eating disorders and body acceptance week. A few days ago, he wrote an addendum of sorts to this blog. His vigilant readers took exception to one of his opening statements, “When you have a daughter you start to rea...
Source: Advice for Parents - February 23, 2014 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Expectation resets
Those of you are regulars to this blog know what a fan I am of the "Dear Carolyn" advice columnist, Carolyn Hax. Her responses to some often very bizarre situations are repeatedly right-on. Even run-of-the-mill family issues are dealt with respectfully, directly and with a steadfast wisdom. Her column, "Mom frustrated by grandparents who come up short," published Jan 3rd is no exception.
A "Disillusioned Mama" writes about her divorced in-laws apparent lack of interest or love for their grandchildren. She sums up her question,
Now, here is the core of the issue. I married into a highly dysfunctional family, and the...
Source: Advice for Parents - January 10, 2014 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Self-compassion and "How 'bout them Red Sox?"
Just checked to see when my last blog posted...over a month ago! I missed the opportunity to wish you a joyous Thanksgiving/Hanukkah, Merry Christmas/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice, Boxing Day/ et al and a glorious New Year--that's a lot of missed opportunities, so please allow me to send my wishes belatedly. And know that my lack of postings was truly an act of self-compassion and a reflection of much needed self-care.
Speaking of self-care and self-compassion, a friend of mine, Bridget Whitlow, M.S., LMFT wrote a beautiful blog on this topic yesterday. Please check out her timely article, "Three Strategies to Having More...
Source: Advice for Parents - January 3, 2014 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Ahhh...this too...
Had an interesting experience yesterday. Have been out of state presenting a lot the last two weeks (4 days last week and 3 days this week) and gave my final talk on Thursday for the employee health program I've been facilitating in Sacramento. I've thoroughly enjoyed this 10-week program, especially working with the women in the group, so wanted our final day to be special. I got up early and baked my favorite chocolate cake and picked a bunch of Fuju Persimmons from our garden to share with them. As I always do, I checked my bag for the special MAC VGA connector and set off right on time.
When I arrived at my destin...
Source: Advice for Parents - November 22, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Credit where it's due
I met recently with a group of young women and their therapists for a chat. I came away inspired by their courageous journeys through various eating disorders, some healed, others still in the process. I can only imagine the drive and fortitude needed to sustain or maintain their commitment to wellness. It is a daunting task yet each woman embodied the truth of its "doability."
Sometime during the evening one of the therapists commented about what a remarkable woman Andrea was and gave me credit for my contribution to her growing into such a person. Can't recall what I said, but am sure I questioned how much I may hav...
Source: Advice for Parents - November 9, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Andrea's words of wisdom
Please forgive my lack of postings...it's been a stressful and busy time. Things should improve by mid-December. Wait. That's right before Christmas. Let me reassess: Improvements will come after the New Year!
We celebrated Andrea's birthday this week. She would have turned 34...hard to imagine her at that age--as I've said before, for us she is forever 19. On her birthday, her sister emailed us a photo of the Winnie-the-Pooh (WTP) items our grandchildren crafted for their Aunt. Due to the numerous WTP accoutrements in Andrea's bedroom, they had no doubt as to the theme of their
beautiful handmade gifts:
On Anni...
Source: Advice for Parents - November 1, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Silver-linings
Tom was in the hospital week before last getting a tune-up on his heart and my youngest sister just had a double mastectomy.
During this time, a dear friend, who was a tenant in our guesthouse 20 years ago, called to say she and her two young daughters need a place to rent due to her impending divorce.
We knew that eventually in retirement we would need to rent our guesthouse again, but have avoided doing so due to the extreme loss of privacy we experienced in previous renting forays. We now have a deck with a hot tub and that compounds the privacy issue (as well as the safety issue with small children present). So....
Source: Advice for Parents - October 13, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Working on stress reduction
Andrea used to love to imitate "Bartok" a character from the 1997 Disney film Anastasia. In a near perfect rendition of this character's "bat" voice Annie would proclaim, "Stress. It's a killer!"
Have been under a tremendous amount of stress for the past month and it's playing a bit of havoc with my body (Bartok knew of which he spoke). Will write a proper post on Friday (hopefully things will have calmed down a bit by then).
Before signing off, I must share a photo sent yesterday from my son-in-law with the subject line "Dress-up." Our granddaughter is holding her favorite stuffed kitty who is wearing the onesi...
Source: Advice for Parents - September 29, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Gettin' your groove on
I know this YouTube video has made its rounds already (over a million views since April) but just had to share, if like me, you haven't yet watched. Although secretly filmed and overlaid with ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”, Eastleigh, UK secretary Tellie Cole was actually dancing to “Knock Down” by Alesha Dixon.
Try to watch this without jivin' just a bit:
A theater director who viewed the Internet vid felt Tellie had an authenticity he could work with and cast her in his new musical
playing in her hometown. Isn't life grand?!
Thank you Tellie for the inspiration!
With blessings until next time,
Doris
...
Source: Advice for Parents - September 21, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Friday's baby-step
There are few words that can prompt responses within me in such a myriad of conflicted and confusing ways as "binge." Just received the following ad in an email:
In the past week I've read numerous article titles using this "B" word: "Binge on Netflix, Binge on books ... on taxes, on fattening foods", etc. Obviously, I know the source of my negative responsiveness. Andrea died from the binge/purge cycles of bulimia. I cannot hear the word, no matter the context, without my mind connecting it to her...and the intense pain caused from that little noun.
In searching for synonyms that may be less triggering to my sen...
Source: Advice for Parents - September 13, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
What bodies really look like
Have spent the last few weeks preparing for a 10-week workplace wellness program that I have the honor of facilitating. I've never used someone else's PowerPoint before, and although encouraged to modify it to fit my style, I really want to maintain the program's integrity and be as true to it as possible.
Hence, I've been re-reading lots of the research and articles on Health At Every Size® to allow the facts and figures that aren't usually in my talks to lilt off my tongue. Given my memory, that's an unlikely outcome via just a few re-visits, but at least I'll know where to find the information if questioned.
Beca...
Source: Advice for Parents - September 6, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Just enough balance
At the start of summer we received a letter from a college friend of our daughter Jocelyn. "Sam" writes an annual solstice letter that always includes a small work of art...often utilizing words in unusual patterns, delivering meaningful or mysterious (at least to me) messages. This year was a heartfelt poem combined with his usual few words of hello. He ended his brief note with this uncommon phrase, "I hope your days are filled with energy and satisfaction; plus challenges to balance it out."
Although no one has ever wished me challenges "to balance my days," I actually found this phrase refreshing. And real. Sam is...
Source: Advice for Parents - August 30, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
It doesn't get better than this...
We presented at a college today and a young man came up afterward to share that he'd heard us speak in 2012. It was last year's talk that made him realize he was in trouble and needed help.
He explained, "It's Andrea. Somehow I could hear from her what I couldn't hear any other way." He got into treatment for anorexia and is now back in school and doing well.
Prior to every presentation, Tom and I hold a brief, private ritual where we thank Andrea for bringing us to this opportunity and always extend an invitation for her to join us in "opening hearts and changing minds." When we hear this sort of testimonial we ...
Source: Advice for Parents - August 23, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
A single story
Tom and I watch very little television...at least not what's offered by regular broadcasting. Instead, we subscribe to Netflix streaming which allows us to pick and choose our programming sans commercials. Last night we wanted something brief and so chose an 18-minute TEDTalk titled "The Danger of a Single Story" presented by the storyteller and author, Chimamanda Adichie. It's the first talk in a compilation called "On Life's Lessons & Confessions"
Adichie, referring to herself as a "chocolate skinned" Eastern Nigerian, opens by telling how as a very young reader (around age two to four) all she read were Britis...
Source: Advice for Parents - August 16, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
Only you can be you
Received an email a few days ago from a young woman who went to high school with Andrea. After introducing herself, she wrote:
I can honestly say that I am a better person having known [Andrea]. She had such a light within her and was so wise and soulful. I consider myself very lucky to have known your beautiful daughter. Over the years she has been on my mind and in my heart often and I just wanted to send you a note to let you know that I miss her. As do so, so many people!
I responded immediately, thanking her profusely for writing and then peppered her with questions:
I would love to hear how you knew Anni...
Source: Advice for Parents - August 9, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Doris Smeltzer Source Type: blogs
