Presume competence? Or be parental?

What must it be like to so frequently be told what to do and how to do it? It’s one thing when you’re a child and everyone around you is pretty much older and wiser. But when you’re a 23 year old man? This is one of my biggest areas of concern for Nat, a grown up with intense autism. For him basically to survive, and enjoy life, he needs a lot of supervision, adjusting, and fine-tuning.
If the higher-functioning autistics and Aspies are right, I am to presume competence. I am to treat Nat as if he knows in many ways what is going on, what is being said. I am to act as if he understands me for the most part, but just that something gets lost in the processing or responding on his end. I also have been saying this for a long time. But there’s a part of me that feels a little twinge of doubt, that Kompetence Kool-Aid. I look at how my younger son Ben, who is fifteen, responds to Nat. He still gets frustrated by all the ways in which Nat has to be reminded how to behave. Even as a little boy Ben used to “herd” Nat (eight years older than him) when Nat walked too fast, too far away from the rest of us. Nat still walks too close to strangers on the sidewalk and needs to be pulled back every so often with a sharp, “Nat, slow down.” It is very stressful  going out to eat with Nat and Ben because I know that Nat is going to chew with his mouth open, touch his food with his fingers, and talk constantly, in a regular tone, but to himself....

Source: Susan's Blog - August 4, 2013 Category: Autism Authors: Susan Senator Tags: Uncategorized Source Type: blogs