How to Spot Red Flags in Your Relationship

Every week, I get letters here at PsychCentral, asking for my advice about red flags in relationships. From my files: “I love him very much, but he spends more time with his buddies than with me and he won’t introduce me to his friends. He won’t talk about it. He says he has to have his guy time.” “I love her very much but we’re almost at our wedding date and she hasn’t quit smoking like she promised she would do before we got married. She just hides it.” “I love this man more than my own life but he constantly sides with his mother when she disagrees with me. When I try to talk about it, he storms out.” “I’m more in love than I’ve ever been, but my guy keeps going over to his ex’s house to ‘help’ her. He says she can’t manage without him. How can I get through to him that this isn’t okay?” “I love this woman with all my heart, but her place is a disaster! There are always dishes in the sink; the cat box hasn’t been changed; neither are the sheets on the bed. I can’t stand the idea of living with her poor habits. No matter what I say she gets defensive and angry. How can I get her to clean up?” I love her/him but, but, but… That “But” is a huge red flag. I think every writer of such a letter knows it. They have fallen in love with a person but not with their habits. They fear that pushing it will break the romantic spell or, worse, that they will trigger anger or abandonment. They hope the problem will go away. They hope th...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Abuse Communication Marriage and Divorce Relationships Boundaries Compromise Dating Defensiveness gaslighting Intimacy Love Red Flags stonewalling Source Type: blogs