Do You Want A Values-Based Relationship?

Each person who finds themselves in a relationship has as an influence and reference point: their upbringing and what they witnessed between those who raised them. There are three choices when it comes to dating, mating and relating. Emulate the family pattern Resist or otherwise avoid the family pattern A combination of these two Any of these options may be engaged in either by conscious or unconscious intent or action. Each of them helps to mold and shape the values by which we choose partners. Sally found herself attracting partners who were like her distant and brooding father. Try as she might, she was not able to get them to pay attention to her when she quietly attempted to communicate her needs, so she “upped the amps,” and escalated her behaviors to have them take heed of her needs as she had with her dad. That backfired time and again as they expressed that she was “too high maintenance” for them. Having a partner who gave her positive attention was an important value for Sally. Jack was determined not to emulate his father who was an actively drinking alcoholic who he tried desperately to save. His dad was in and out of treatment throughout Jack’s life. He chose to be sober himself and when he married, found a woman who shared that lifestyle. Sobriety and stability were crucial values for Jack. Millie was raised by her grandparents after both of her parents were killed in a car accident. She learned that nothing was predictable, and th...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Communication Family Relationships Core Values Dating Source Type: blogs