Infertility and regret: If only …

I can often hear it coming. One need spend only a few minutes with someone coping with infertility before encountering a cascade of regret. “If only we hadn’t waited so long.” “If only I had frozen my eggs.” “If only we had changed doctors sooner.” “If only I hadn’t believed my OB/GYN when she told me not to worry.” “If only I’d realized earlier that I could do it on my own.” “If only I’d met my husband when I was younger.” And so it goes. Sure, other thoughts and feelings may torment infertile women and men. Sadness, anger, helplessness, and envy are all part of the deal. However, unlike regret, which seems to keep people in a stranglehold, I’ve found that most of those struggling with infertility can grapple with and move on from these other emotions. In fact, for many, the experience of enduring the sadness or accepting the anger can bring added strength and new resolve. Not so with regret. When people talk with me about their sadness, or their anger, or their envy, I listen and respond with compassion. I know they are suffering, but I have faith that they will get through it. When they talk with me about their regret, I simply want to make the pain go away. Often I imagine assembling a group of infertility patients at water’s edge and giving each a small wooden boat. “Please take these,” I would say. “Pile your regrets on them and make them sail away.” Why do I react this way? Why, when it comes to regret and infertility, do I f...
Source: Harvard Health Blog - Category: Consumer Health News Authors: Tags: Health Infertility Men's Health Mental Health Relationships Women's Health Source Type: blogs