(Re)Defining Family — On Your Terms

“How’s your family doing?” a well-meaning acquaintance asks. “Are you excited to return home to Des Moines to see them?” I grit my teeth, pushing out a brusque, “They are fine. Maybe I’ll see them; I am not really sure” before quickly changing the subject. Since my mother’s passing, my relationship with my immediate family has been strained. Irregular communication — interspersed with icy recriminations about some past misdeed — is the norm. Exacerbating the familial strife, my father and brothers sued me over a real estate issue that, I believe, could have been resolved with conversation, compromise, and (a little) compassion. Instead, a 2+ year lawsuit ensued — one that fractured any pretense of a familial relationship. Despite relenting to my family’s legal demands, I have not heard anything from my father or brothers (still debating whether a “happy birthday” text satisfies the definition of familial communication — please note my dry humor). As life has taught me, families are invariably complex. They are a mix of joyous celebrations, petty resentments, and lingering feuds; indeed, even the most starry-eyed family has skeletons buried in the proverbial closet. Sadly, and as my close friends knowingly confirm, my dysfunctional family has company.   More than divulging family skeletons, this article’s focus is on a self-learned maxim: you create your own family. And, in my case, my family is a boisterous mix of aunts an...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Family Personal estranged family Estrangement Family Feuds Resentment Source Type: blogs