11 Reasons Not to Classify Perpetrators of Abuse as ‘Monsters’

For the purposes of ease of language I will be referring to perpetrators with male gendered pronouns, and victims/survivors with female gendered pronouns. This is not to deny the fact that not all abusers are male and that not all victims and survivors are female. But, simply to make things flow semantically. As a therapist working with trauma, I sit across from clients every week who are straining to make sense of abuse. One of their most complicated questions is, “Was the abuse intentional, and what does this mean about the perpetrator of that abuse?” They tell me about positive traits he possesses. He is an activist, a good friend, he has a great sense of humor, goes out of his way for others, he has some really great qualities. Which side of him is real? What box should he be put in and how should the relationship be categorized? Society says he must be a monster, and her friends tell her to, “Forget about that asshole.” But is this narrow view actually helpful to victims? It perpetuates denial about abusers. As long as we continue to dehumanize abusers, we continue to be in denial. When we pretend that only a monster could do those things, we ignore the reality that a person perpetrated abuse. When we relegate abuse to the realm of monsters and demons, we begin to falsely believe that no one we care for could ever be abusive. We ignore red flags as we fall for someone or deny that our family member is abusive because, well, only monsters perpetrate abuse. We ign...
Source: Psych Central - Category: Psychiatry Authors: Tags: Abuse Addictions Bullying Codependence Domestic Violence Men's Issues Narcissism Trauma Women's Issues Abusive partner abusive spouse gender bias Source Type: news