Why Consistency in Parenting Isn ’ t Always Best

Parents are often told that consistency is the key to successful parenting, especially in the areas of children’s bed times, expectations about behavior, and discipline. I agree with the first two: most of us benefit from a consistent bed time and sleep pattern, and it’s really helpful for children if they know what their parents’ expectations about behavior are. However, the last one, I’m not so sure. As a therapist and a mum, I’ve read a lot of parenting books, watched a lot of programs, and been to a lot of parenting workshops, and consistency is always promoted, especially in relation to discipline. When professionals talk about consistency and discipline, they often suggest that parents: Have a set of family rules about acceptable behaviors, Apply a consequence any time children break the rules, and Act quickly when applying consequences. This might seem fairly straight-forward, but … what if a child has good reason for breaking the rules? What if applying consequences doesn’t actually teach children to behave differently, but instead to not get caught next time? What if the consequence isn’t understood by the child? And, what if a child doesn’t accept the consequence? Children are smaller, younger, and less experienced than us, but they’re not stupid, and they have reasons for behaving in the ways they do — even if we don’t understand or agree with those reasons. As parents, we have a responsibility to keep our children safe, and to te...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Children and Teens Parenting Personal Self-Help Child Development Learning Source Type: blogs