Consumed by Depression: Mental Illness and Its Pain

Pain is universal, varied, and subjective. An evolutionary deterrent and motivator, in some ways essential, in some ways utterly pointless. It can provide common ground, or be the most isolating of experiences. Everyone falls somewhere within its range. My pain came from depression. Not everyone experiences depression in this way; for some it may be a numbness, a complete absence of emotion. For me, it was active, physical. It began as a little ball of discomfort just below my rib cage, then spreads through my entire torso, eventually radiating outward into my limbs and stopping just short of my finger and toe nails. It flowed through me like blood; at its worst it produced intense shock-like pulses from my core. It came on so gradually, mild and short episodes at first, that I wasn’t overly concerned. Then somehow, a decade later, it had taken over my life. There were other symptoms, too. Apathy, loss of interest, antisocial behavior — but really it was always about the pain. Despite its physical characteristics, I always knew it was psychological. Perhaps its origin is relevant to treatment, but we are all biology and chemistry in the end. I didn’t know what to do about it, for the most part assuming this was simply who I was. Perhaps my pain was normal. Even if there were a scientific way to objectively quantify pain and generate normal based on an average, there is still the question of interpretation. If two people measure equally, who is to say they feel it ...
Source: Psych Central - Category: Psychiatry Authors: Tags: Depression Personal Stories Self-Esteem Suicide Source Type: news