We are haunted more by regrets about not becoming the person we wanted to be, than not becoming the person we were expected to be

Regrets about not becoming our “ideal selves” are more enduring than regrets about not becoming our “ought selves” By Christian Jarrett In research published in the 1990s, psychologists asked people to list their biggest regrets in life and found that they tended to mention things they hadn’t done, rather than things they had.  Now, one of the psychologists behind that seminal research – Thomas Gilovich at Cornell University – together with his colleague Shai Davidai at The New School for Social Research – have looked into the content of people’s regrets, as opposed to how they were brought about (by action or inaction). Across six studies, the pair present new evidence, published in Emotion, that our most enduring regrets concern not living up to our ideal selves (i.e. not becoming the person we wanted to be), as opposed to not living according to our “ought selves” (the person we should have been based on our duties and responsibilities). The researchers surveyed hundreds of participants, including students, but mostly members of the public recruited on Amazon’s survey website. For most of the studies, the researchers started out telling their recruits the difference between regrets concerning the “ideal self” (not achieving goals they had set for themselves, their dreams and ambitions) and “the ought self” (not meeting the norms and rules they had for themselves or fulfilling their obliga...
Source: BPS RESEARCH DIGEST - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Personality Social Source Type: blogs