Discovering Your True Self — Who You Really Are

Codependents often wonder what is normal. They feel insecure and wonder how others perceive them. Many tell me they don’t really know themselves. They’ve become people-pleasers, editing what they say and adapting their behavior to the feelings and needs of others. Some sacrifice themselves — their values, needs, wants, and feelings — to someone they care about. For other codependents their behavior revolves around their addiction, whether it’s to a drug, a process, such as sex or gambling, or to pursuing prestige or power in order to feel secure. They usually do so to the detriment of themselves and loved ones, and eventually their achievements feel meaningless. Either type of codependent suffers from self-alienation — an alienation from their true self. This is the emptiness we feel when a relationship ends, success is achieved, or during withdrawal from an addiction. Hence, codependency is called a disease of a “lost self.” Denial of Codependency and the Real Self Ideally, our true self emerges in the normal course of becoming an individual, called “individuation,” so that we’re able to identify our own feelings, thoughts, needs, wants, perceptions, and actions, as separate from our family and others. A dysfunctional family disrupts individuation to varying degrees. Because codependency is transgenerational, in childhood a “false” codependent self is formed. Most codependents are in denial of this situation because for so long they’v...
Source: Psych Central - Category: Psychiatry Authors: Tags: Abuse Addictions Alcoholism Anger Binge Eating Codependence Eating Disorders Personality Relationships & Love Self-Esteem Substance Abuse Abusive Relationships Authentic Self Codependency Dysfunctional Family emotional needs Source Type: news