What It Means to Not Take Things Personally

We often hear that we shouldn’t take things so personally. But what does this actually mean? If someone we’ve allowed into our heart says something shaming or hurtful, such as “You only think about yourself” or “How can you be so stupid?” we’re likely to feel the pain of being judged and criticized. It hurts to be viewed as an object with horrible traits rather than be seen in our wholeness. It’s not realistic to think we should not be personally affected when someone close to us sears us with a critical or dismissive comment. As human beings, we affect each other. It would be more helpful if your partner or friend revealed how they’re affected by your behavior, which is the intention behind communication skills training, such as the non-violent communication (NVC) approach of Marshall Rosenberg. We have little control over how others view us and relate to us. We have more control over how we view ourselves and the situation, and how we respond to it. If we take time to look clearly at things, we can gain some distance from the situation rather than be so personally merged with it that we react quickly and mindlessly. If a loved one is angry or critical toward us, we’re likely to have an immediate fight, flight, freeze response. But instead of attacking back or getting defensive, which adds fuel to the fire, we can gain some perspective if we pause rather than react. We can take a breath and stay connected to our body — and consider the following: M...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: General Mental Health and Wellness Mindfulness Psychology Relationships Self-Help Blame Confidence Criticism Defensiveness Four Agreements self-compassion Self-Esteem self-worth Shame taking things personally triggering Source Type: blogs