Why We Sabotage Ourselves

Counseling psychologist Rosy Saenz-Sierzega, Ph.D, was working with a client who yearned to find a better job. But he wouldn’t apply for any job until his resume was ready. The problem? It was taking him months to “perfect” it. In reality, he was sabotaging his success, ensuring he’d stay stuck at his current company. Sometimes, we sabotage ourselves by setting unrealistic expectations. We decide to try something when we can do it perfectly—which means we don’t do anything at all. We stay in the dead-end job. We stay in the toxic relationship. We don’t finish the degree. We also assume that because we haven’t done something before, we can’t do it. Divorced clients often tell Saenz-Sierzega that they can’t date because they don’t know how. Maybe they got married at a young age and never did online dating. However, “There is pretty much nothing that we have ever known how to do before actually trying to do it,” she said. “By default, practicing a behavior helps us get better at it, so saying you can’t do something because you’re not an expert at it, is not only a lie, but it’s a great way to disallow any chance of success.” Or we convince ourselves that we’ll fail, so we accelerate the process, said Saenz-Sierzega, who works with individuals, couples and families in Chandler, Ariz. We party the night before a big exam (like the SATs). We go back to a bad relationship. We don’t do our homework. We drink or take drugs. We break the law. W...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: General Habits Happiness Industrial and Workplace Mental Health and Wellness Relationships Self-Help Stress Students Success & Achievement Life Goals Perfectionism Procrastination Self Sabotage Unrealistic Expectations Source Type: blogs