3 More Things That Keep Us Lonely

In a recent article, I discussed three things that may keep us lonely: Being critical of others, our tendency to shame people, and believing that we should be perfect. Here are some additional reasons we may find ourselves feeling isolated. Fear of Taking Risks If we hold the unrealistic belief that we should be perfect, we may be unwilling to do anything that might expose our imperfections. We may be so paralyzed by the fear of failing that we won’t take steps that might alleviate our loneliness. We might think, “Yeah, I should go out more or write a personal ad for a dating site… and some day I’ll get around to it.” But that day never comes. Or, we may think about asking someone out on a date — or even just meeting someone as a friend or potential friend — but we can’t bear the prospect of a negative response. We may hear “no” as a personal rejection and conclude that we’re flawed. Being overwhelmed by fear and shame, a more benign interpretation may not occur to us, such as their life is too busy or they’re not seeking new friendships. Rather than take an intelligent risk to reach out, we may procrastinate. We cling to what is known, rather than risk possible rejection and failure. We may find a curious comfort in what is familiar, even though it keeps us painfully isolated and disconnected. The Fear of Feeling Shame and Embarrassment Underlying our fear of risk-taking may be a fear of feeling shame or embarrassment. We don’t want to loo...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Friends General Happiness Psychology Relationships Self-Esteem Self-Help Communication connection Embarrassment Friendship Humiliation Intimacy Loneliness Perfectionism Rejection Shame Vulnerability Source Type: blogs